Osama bin Laden’s bid to become the next spokesman for “Just for Men” died yesterday, just two and a half weeks after the 9/11 mastermind sent an audition tape to the hair dye giant’s executives. In a one-word press release, “Just for Men” simply responded “Re-jected!”, an apparent reference to the company’s current ad featuring former “Seinfeld” actor Keith Hernandez and basketball Hall of Famer Walt Frazier.
Armed with a newly dyed beard and an opium-laced invigorated personality, bin Laden said in the tape that he was “starting to find his groove” and that a “Just for Men” commercial would be the perfect way to rebuild an image surprisingly damaged by a deadly terrorist attack. In his disturbing but well-rehearsed acting debut, Bin Laden eerily signaled that the product has been helping him hide from U.S. armed forces, who have been hunting bin Laden for over seven years.
“President Bush comes in for the kill…re-jected!” bin Laden shouted in the audition. “With my ‘Just for Men’ Jet Black Brush-In Color Gel specially designed for mustache, beard, and sideburns, I blend in with my cave surroundings, resulting in a longer life and, let’s just say, a few more little bin Ladens.”
Hernandez, reached at the same bar where he filmed the “Just for Men” commercial, appeared in “Seinfeld”, and currently resides, said he was “shocked.”
“To see an unkempt bearded man actually think he could take my spot is just bush league,” said Hernandez, still trying to figure out other ways to promote himself. “Come on, I’m Keith Hernandez, I won the MVP in ’79, I can do whatever I want. Look, I’m not going to say that he belongs in a cave, but he doesn’t belong in a ‘Just for Men’ commercial. Did you see what he was wearing? That guy couldn’t find first base with a high-powered gun scope.”
Tags: bin Laden, Just for Men, Keith Hernandez
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